Regret
by minachandler
Summary: Set during 3x16. Diggle calls Felicity to the foundry after finding out about Ra's al Ghul's offer to Oliver, asking her to talk to him. And along the way, Diggle and Felicity commiserate about just how complicated relationships can be.


John was waiting for Felicity when she entered the foundry from the side entrance, phone still in her hand. He was perusing something on the computer, his brow furrowed and a worried expression on his face.

"Hey," she said, "I got your message. Sounded urgent."

He looked relieved when he saw her, swivelling his chair around and pulling one up next to him. Felicity sat down, leaning on one of the chair's arms. "It was," he said. "It's Oliver."

Trying to look unfazed, Felicity said – after a moment's hesitation – "What about him?"

"Ra's al Ghul didn't just let us go from Nanda Parbat scot-free," John began.

"I figured as much," Felicity replied, but his next words surprised her.

"He made Oliver an offer. To take his place as Ra's."

Felicity closed her eyes. And here she had thought she had thought the whole situation had reached its limit in not making sense. "Oh God," she said finally. "That's – wait." She frowned. "You're talking about it like he's actually considering taking up this offer." John didn't say anything, but it was written all over his face anyway. "John… he can't be serious."

He sighed. "He feels like there's nothing for him here."

Nodding, Felicity said, "He told me Lance was mad at him because of Sara, but… that isn't all of it, is it?"

"You should talk to him."

Before she even realised it, she was scoffing and turning away. "I don't know if you realised it, John, but Oliver doesn't really listen to me nowadays."

"He will," John said firmly, and Felicity turned her chair back around and met his eyes.

"What makes you so sure?"

"You know why." And then Felicity's shoulders sank, because she knew what was coming next. "He loves you."

"I know he does," she said, and she surprised even herself with her words. John raised his eyebrows. "He told me. And I don't mean when he said it in front of hidden cameras in his mother's house so he could take down Slade Wilson, either. Before he left to fight Ra's the first time… he told me. He told me he loved me right before…" And her voice shook a little, now, because suddenly all she could remember was that moment when he walked away, a soldier about to go into battle and leaving behind his loved ones, and how much she wanted to march right up to him and stop him. "Right before he went off to fight the most dangerous man in the world and lost and made me think he was dead for almost a month," she finished.

Somehow, John didn't seem too surprised. "Right." He hesitated for a moment. "He seems to think you've moved on."

And the look he fixed her with told her everything she needed to know. She sighed. "Me and Ray."

"Ra's got into Oliver's head, Felicity. And not just with who he is as the Arrow… with you, too. He told Oliver that he would die alone."

"John –" Felicity began, but she wasn't quite sure what to say.

"I get it," he said quietly. "I recognise that look you've got right now."

She raised her eyebrows. "What look?"

"The one Lyla had about a year after we divorced – I had just come back from Afghanistan, and I started seeing someone else. And even though… it had been a mutual decision, and we had both decided it was for the best, and we had agreed to stay in touch, I could tell it bothered her. More than she would say."

"What happened?"

"Nothing," John said. "We broke up a while later. But… even though Lyla never gave me any reason for it, there was always – in the back of my mind I felt… not guilt, exactly, more… regret. Because things didn't work out between us the first time."

And for some reason Felicity found herself chuckling. "I appreciate that, John, but… that's not what happened with me and Oliver."

He smiled too. "Yeah, you would actually have to be married to get divorced. Although you both act like a married couple most of the time anyway."

Felicity just rolled her eyes. "I told him I wouldn't be waiting for him if and when he hangs up his hood. And I meant it. But that doesn't mean I'm leaving the Arrow Cave anytime soon."

"Does Oliver know that?"

"He should." And then she softened a little. "Just because I'm with Ray doesn't mean I don't care about Oliver. Because I do. A lot."

"Then maybe you could remind him why we're still doing this. Why he's still doing this. Because I don't think he knows."

"That's not something I can tell him either, though," she reasoned. "He has to figure it out for himself."

John nodded. "I get that."

His phone started ringing, and when Felicity looked over, the caller ID showed it was Lyla. John picked it up. "Hey," he said. "Did you find out where he is? You did? Right, okay. Thanks, Lyla. Love you."

"You got a lead?" she asked once he'd hung up.

"I think so," John said. "One of my army contacts is in Starling – he might have some answers for us about those diamonds the crew stole last night."

"Sounds good." He was watching her expectantly, though, and she reached out and patted his arm. "It's okay, John. I'll talk to Oliver."

He looked relieved. "I know things have been rocky lately," he said, "with the two of you, and with Laurel joining the team, and everything with Thea and Merlyn. I just think he needs reminding that he's not alone, you know, and that there is still something for him here."

"Yeah," Felicity said faintly, but suddenly her mind was elsewhere. All she could think of was Oliver's crestfallen face when he knocked on her office door at Palmer Tech.

"You all right?" he asked. Not for the first time, she wished she didn't so obviously wear her heart on her sleeve all the time.

"I guess." She hesitated for a moment. "I just – I get what you mean. About the whole regret thing. And, I mean, I don't have any reason to feel guilty, not really – it's not like we were ever together or anything, but I still… feel bad. Being with someone else."

"I remember the feeling," he said sympathetically.

"That, and I never thought there would be a universe where Oliver would even think about saying yes to Ra's al Ghul, of all people. About anything. And I just… that's not the Oliver I lo – the Oliver I know."

And Felicity could have sworn the corners of John's mouth twitched into something like a smile – as if he knew exactly what she was about to say. "That's the thing. Maybe he just needs reminding of who he is."

The sound of footsteps interrupted their conversation again, and Felicity spotted Roy coming in through the side entrance. "I got nothing from those fences," he said. "I guess that's what happens when you give up your life of crime."

Both Felicity and John shook their heads, half-amused, half-exasperated. "That's okay," John said. "I think I've got something. Got to meet up with someone not far from here."

"You can go with him, then, Roy," Felicity said, and Roy nodded.

"Got it." He made his way towards the foundry stairs.

"By the way," John said, grabbing his jacket, "Palmer should know that if he ever does anything to hurt you –"

"Yeah, yeah, that's what your .38 is for, yada yada," Felicity teased, and her heart felt a bit lighter. John smiled back, patting Felicity's shoulder as he left.


End file.
